Spring Finish
by Zarius
Summary: Ralph's lost something precious, Lisa steps up to help him retrieve it, and Bart has an unflattering photo of him and the Powers at the Springs that he dare not bring into class.


**THE SIMPSONS:**

**SPRING FINISH**

**WRITTEN BY ZARIUS**

* * *

As Otto's school bus parked in its usual spot and the doors opened to allow the student body of Springfield Elementary to pour out, Bart Simpson felt a weight in his stomach pin him down as the full realisation of the "_How I Spent My Summer"_ assignment dwelled on him

His younger sister Lisa followed him out, looking at the memory stick Bart was clutching in his hand

"You're not thinking of handing that in are you?" Lisa asked him.

"If I don't, I'll get a big F on the assignment" Bart said

"Bart, there's no _way_ they'd even register it on the Elementary website"

"I know, and it could get others in trouble. Bad enough Laura's mom got that wrap for stealing her ex's car"

"Mom's still trying to live down what she did to those antique cans" said Lisa.

The two reached the top of the Elementary stairs. Lisa reached out and took the memory stick

"What?" Bart said

"You better let me look after it. You're regularly searched before you go into class"

"I know plenty of places to stick this where they can't possibly look" Bart replied

"Gross, but hey, it's your hill to die on. I'm just trying to spare you outright embarrassment"

"Yeah, well I know you, you always tend to poke about and roll with a dicey subject"

"Bart, nothing awkward happened while you were there right?"

"No, nothing happened. Laura and I were cool about the whole thing" Bart responded.

"Cool enough to make photos too hot for TV?" Lisa replied

"She was there. She was bare. She wanted a memento. We took one"

"And now you have to send it in. Bart, you should have gone with us to the Krusty Burger Parade the weekend before rather than stay home playing Flex-Box One. Virtual fitness is no substitute for genuine fitness, no matter what _Mall of Duty_ samples you unlock on it"

"You could have taken competed with Dad and got the better of him in that strength-testing challenge which won him the tickets to Slippery Springs. Dad wouldn't have injured himself then"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, and I'd been there, Dad wouldn't have been injured and Mom wouldn't have trusted me to give the tickets to the springs to the neighbours. I didn't know Laura would tag along"

"You haven't told anyone except me about the true nature of the springs did you?"

"We didn't even know about what the springs were until Laura tested out her new reading glasses and checked the tiny lettering at the bottom of the bolded capital lettering"

"And you thought it would be a good idea to bring a photo of the Powers and you at the springs to class anyway? Bart, you have a responsibility with those photos on the stick. Do you know how crazy the boys in your class will get if they see her in those photos? What their parents might think or do?"

"I know, I feel really bad, I'm such an opportunistic jerk. All of a sudden, all kinds of things are messing with my head. Why does nudity always do that to you?"

"You've been obsessed with showing your own butt so many times; it's only inevitable you bear the butt of your conscious"

Bart scratched his head tensely, and breathed deeply

"I need to just walk into Skinner's office and 'fess up to what's on it. We've gone back and forth on a lot of favours over what seems like dog years now, maybe he'll remember another one he owes me and I can get past this"

"Well whatever you do Bart, make sure you bear your soul, and not your butt" Lisa said, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Bart clasped her hand with his and walked up the rest of the steps and through the doors.

Lisa was just about to follow him when she caught sight of a wandering figure, seemingly in great distress as faint whimpering could be heard. Lisa walked over to the source of the small commotion and found Ralph Wiggum, the resident class clown, less by outright intention and more by cruel natural design, wandering the outstretched lawn, visibly shaken.

"Ralph, is that you?" said Lisa, "You look terrible"

"I can't find Ruth's hand" said Ralph.

Lisa was slightly befuddled, and then she cast her mind back to last week, when her class room was partnered up in a dance class session with another section of the Elementary student body. One of the students, Ruth Sturgeon, had a prosthetic right hand, having lost her real one in a welding accident.

During the dance, Ralph had taken notice of the hand and made sure to loudly point out to the rest of the class, which deeply upset Ruth, and she started crying, then the hand came loose in Ralph's grip, which freaked him out, and he fled the school.

He was kept out of sight for the rest of that day, as some of the boys in Ruth's class had been thinking of paying him back for his rudeness. With a lot of pain attached.

Ralph was so afraid that the rest of HIS class would want to reprimand him for the same thing, and make a target out of him even more. He had to be picked up by his parents that day rather than try to walk or take the bus home by himself.

"Ralph, how long did you have that hand? Ruth's been looking for it for ages"

"I found it under my pillow, but the hand fairy short-changed me" said Ralph, "I was on my way to returning it when a lady threw her cats at me, then she barked at me, the hand jumped out of my fingers. I think it ran away like It from _The Adams Family_"

"Oh I know all too well what that lady's like, I better help you look for it then" Lisa said, "But keep in mind, we'll be late"

"Oh no, I'll be dead?" yelled Ralph in alarm.

"No, no, not THAT kind of late" said Lisa, "Now clam up and help me browse around"

"I like browsing. My mom gets all the shopping done through browsing" said Ralph, "She doesn't buy half as much though"

"That's remarkable to hear" Lisa drily and sarcastically muttered.

In Lisa's class, Ms. Hoover checked her watch, shaking her head and staring intently at the blackboard, she felt compelled to wipe away the equations she had just written up and writing them all over again.

Anything to occupy her time waiting for tardy students.

Finally, the door opened and in came Lisa and Ralph, both exhausted, but having found the prosthetic hand, scrambling into the class.

"Present and correct Ms. Hoover" Lisa said.

"Does that mean I'm a wrong answer?" said Ralph

After class, the two spent lunch break talking about their morning in amongst other irreverent things brought up by Ralph, each not being able to stop looking into the eyes of the other.

"Lisa?" Ralph said as they ran through the corridor hand in hand

"What is it?"

"Thanks for not laughing at me" said Ralph

"Ralph, it's easy to laugh at someone you don't understand, it's much easier to laugh at how someone like you deals with the harshness of life"

"You say funny things" said Ralph, "But never the bad sort of funny"

"Keep using that word" Lisa replied

"Funny?" said Ralph

"It makes everything so much more serious" Lisa replied.

As the school day wound down, Lisa reunited with Bart on the steps of the school, heading towards the bus to take them back to Evergreen Terrace.

"How'd it go with the photo Bart?" Lisa asked him

"A favour came through for me with Skinner, they'll give me the grade for the effort of bringing the photo in as proof of my vacation, but it won't be placed in the directory, in exchange, I have to pretend that I didn't hand anything in"

"So in passing, you have to fail. Not exactly a concrete life lesson, but it's not the _craziest_ deed done today"

"Why, you got something that'll top it?" Bart asked

"Maybe its better I don't tell you" Lisa said.


End file.
